Penetrating the veils of fear to finally just be here

Hello, it has been a-while since I last wrote. And I have been busy, mighty busy weathering the storms of huge fear. Tomorrow many of my friend's are leaving for the beloved festival. So much pulls me to go and join them, and yet I have a different path right now. The external stimulation and large group phenomenon tends to pull me out of myself especially where there is music involved and performers and people who lead work shops and perform and people who don't. I feel such a separation. I know this is my issue, but it is so hard to be the one who is not leading anything like some part of me is depending on that role as a "famous" person to somehow anchor me in time and space. My friend said, "Don't go, Sarah, that is really your trigger and it will be a multiple day trigger." I am listening to her and to me. My own inner child needs me to continue focusing attention here at home. We have only just come out of the huge fear time, and we need a chance to catch our breath and ground.
Last week I was eaten by a tiger in a past life I was clearing, and yesterday my space vehicle and my whole entire planet blew up all at once. I think maybe this is it for a-while. I'm hoping anyway. Maybe Friday I will make a carrot cake, and Saturday I will work on my business cards. I am enjoying Amma's sweet voice on a CD i downloaded from her site. WEll, I feel this is all for now.
Love to all.

Sarah

Death, Life and the longing to be free from fear

Death, life and the longing for freedom from fear
Knowing
the reclamation is set to happen, and actually beginning the full interface with core fear are two very different things. In my last blog, newly returned home from my body talk session, I was anticipating and celebrating the fact that Love was dawning now into the city of night within me. This post is more about the actual rescue mission into the city, scarecity!!!

Well, I spent early Saturday morning in the emergency room with my dear friend fearing she was having a heart attack, we raced to the hospital at 5:00 A.M. The fear and the despair hanging in that emergency while people waited to be seen in vain for hours and hours by an understaffed hospital was such a heavy energy. I was having trouble breathing feeling the heavy grief of the situation. It turned out my friend was o.k. I still pray for her and her beautiful heart. Then later that same day I was greeting wedding guests out on the green fields, adorning them with flower leighs and kissing them on both cheeks and frolicking over the green grass bare-foot to serve the wedding needs as best I could. And it was the perfect antidote for the great fear of that morning. And then out on the lawn, the core fear and the core grief of living in a world where fear has been so dominant started to pour out of me. It was while the beautiful community was saying the prayer before dinner, that great tapestry of unity being co-created there, this was what allowed the floodgates to open and all the sorrow of my consciousness, once immersed only in love, now entrapped in so much fear. And as the fear and sorrow poured out, I could feel my heart opening to feel the love of that great community. And it was the surrender to the fear that enabled me to fall into the love of the oneness with everything. And I spread my arms out wide and the wind blew through me, one and the same the wind of death and life, the wind of fear and love surrendering to utter vulnerability before them both. And then we feasted, and sleep that night took me to torturous cities where I was being killed and so much screaming in horror from all the people, the voices in my bones and in my blood and muscle and genetic code, screaming out in horror, and I pounding my fists on the bed and weeping in rage. “NO!, no nono no no no, until at last the first layer of horror is off and then I sink into it like a bath, a bath of horror, a flavor of ice cream that tastes horrible to my emotional body at first but then I surrender and breathe the breath through it and into it all. Laying my soul of light down upon this city of the night, interfacing with it finally here in the dead and life of the night. Just me, Frank can’t save me now. Only me. It’s always been between me and me. And it seems with each breath the nature of the horror becomes more tolerable, and finally I fall into sleep. And today I awaken weak and full of sorrow, and the angels come and wrap me in a tapestry woven with rainbow colors of light. Every color of the rainbow is in this glorious tapestry and it is wrapped all around me. The angels cover every piece of the scarred broken emotional body in this perfect love, tapestry of perfect love. It is like swaddling clothing, mending, pouring it’s sweet balm of perfect love, pouring into the core-line fractures of the mark of the bomb of the deathspell. Now this balm of love, takes it’s place, encoding me with love and life and unity, soothing everything hurting, and Frank wants to go to the river, but I am just laying here feeling almost dead even wrapped now in this cloth, and I say, “I need a hamburger” Often red meat helps bring me back when I have faced major death energy. Now I have eaten my hamburger. I am still afraid to leave the house, but perhaps I will go as the sparkling waters and the natural beauty is calling me out into life even as my breath still catches in my chest, and I am as of late still very much dripping with the dross of the very dark night. Shall I go? My honey is standing here naked drinking his green vibrance. Ah, maybe I will go.
Love to all,
Remember when it gets really painful, just pound, weep, and breathe it in like oxygen. It all emerged from out of the field of infinite love, the source of the breath itself.
The heart of the perfect tapestry of all-embracing love, may it surround and melt all in separation back home into the great heart of unity.
Bye for now.

Sarah

I dreamed of Rain and the rains came, soft and easy sweet and clear. I dreamed of rain and the rains came, and peace spread over the land

For 25 + years self hate has been the bondage that has shackled me to the matrix of core fear and its embodiment, and now that hatred has been lifted, and the fear flows out like veils of soft rain, and my land is returning to peace.
Oh what a relief!!! Oh what a journey, may it be so for all beings and for all the earth and cosmos. love and peace forever more. We came, we tasted, we knew and now, let heaven return to earth.

Why the fall?

Dear friends,

On this day of Fire the Grid and this hot hot night I wanted to share some thoughts. Remember 3:19- 4:19, the big send off of our stored loving intent back to the heart of creator to fuel the highest dream of unity for the planet and the cosmos.
( Please do forgive punctuation anomalies)
Why this dream of darkness and limitation, Why this fall into fear. Why this forray into atrocities that seem so far beyond any conscious choice I would ever make. Why and for what gain, and I wait in the silence for an answer, and I hear echoing out from my bones and body that has been repressed and massacred under layers of self killing hatred and self annihilating terror for so many years, and the soul smiles from within the fire, lifting off the shackles of night answering me with questions, saying these words as the answer, “ to know the immensity of the healing and blessing power of our very essence.” And then posing these questions… “Is it not through descending into the bowels of separation consciousness that allows us to escavate each forsaken horrified, agonized little piece of soul and welcome it home into the great heart of love, through the process, truly knowing the nature of that love for the first time? Is it not unlike showing up at a concentration camp where souls have been numbed into agonizing halflife and then bringing a great feast and a dancing celebration/ party festival to last forevermore to each soul, feeling their wonderment, amazement and utter rapture at the coming of abundance into a place that has known the depth of lack and through these eyes tasting the full parameter of the exquisite nature of light as it dawns into a place under the bondage of utter darkness. To see the look on the faces of the prisoners and slaves as we get to free them from their chains and free them from their prison cells of lack and limitation, birthing with them their cells into living houses of liquid joy, lifting them up into the light and bringing water to their thirsty lips and the feast of delicacies in every color of the rainbow to their starving emaciated bodies. Breathing love and life back into them and ushering them into the dawning sun of original glory. Is it not a marvelous experience, this? Is it not an e ticket ride of the grandest proportions to live at the effect of the darkest of the dark that we may learn of and experience first hand the magnitude of the healing power of our true essence and experience the utter rapture of light’s reclamation of itself from within the land of it’s opposite?

I am Looking forward to the great feasting and continued revelation of sovereignty and bliss within all beings, that we may drink of the light within and it will ever return us unto wholeness, communion and great joy.
Dancing with you in the light of wonder. If you want to see other blog posts, see address below.
Blessings to all,

Sarah
www.sarahadams.org
www.wakinguptogether.blogspot.com

The great potential energy within

Just a few days ago I was laying on my bed, and I was doing energy work on my solar plexus when all of a sudden from down deep inside, this rush of dynamic swirling energy comes rising out of my center like a dove taking flight. Then I fell into sleep and in my dream this strong man, quite a bit taller than I, wisked me up into his arms and whirled me around the dance floor. Being lifted by this force from out of nowhere was so exhilerating. I woke up sensing the tremendous potential energy that is currently held down and back in my body and in the body of the Earth. As we shed more and more density to prepare for the crystaline activation of Sept 9, see www.earth-keeper.com Everything inorganic will be lifted up into organic living life coded matter as this powerful resurrection occurs within matter in this procession toward Dec 2012 and beyond. The sacred marriage of the feminine and masculine principals enables a great dynamic force of ascension to overtake the physical and carry it into vibrations of superconductive love and bliss. This is where we are headed. As we move through these times of transition like a mother to be at 10 centimeter dialated, it is oh so important to keep our focus on the miraculous freeing of energy potential that is coming and the amazing movement of our cells and all physical reality from carbon-based to silica based substance, corresponding to our movement from a fear-based to a love-based people and opening into our full multi-dimensional capacities as fully conscious beings. www.paoweb.com tells us that we are already beginning to see crystalline structures appearing in the plant kingdom, and www.lightworker.com tells us that crystals are now forming on our pineal glands to help mentor us into our multi-dimensional capacities ( see "messages from home for July) I found a wonderful connection with the website www.energeticsynthesis.com I feel like I have found my family of light workers here. Check it out if you feel drawn. Every month she has tele-conferences to keep us posted on ascension happenings. Well, keep your vibrations high doing whatever brings you joy. I'll see you around campus. Until next time.

Sarah

No more matches in the city of night? Surrender to the complete darkness, and it will unlock the door to the sun.

 

Hello, today a miracle, well it felt like a miracle, happened. There have been many ego disappointments in my life as of late and the feeling of wandering, disconnected from everything has been a big challenge for me, but this morning I actually just posed the question, “What if everything is perfect?” What if this feeling of total and complete emptiness is actually a gift, a  beautiful state of being that was meant to be here. Just like we have the stages of the seasons, from spring to winter and then spring again. And why not, instead of resisting this emptiness, actually assume the stance that it is perfect, and it bares gifts. So I began to breathe deeply and say to myself “It is o.k to feel just like this”

One of my friends had said to me, “Sometimes you get so far off that it takes a long time to get back.” Well, this was the statement that woke the goddess up inside of me”  She said, “I beg your pardon, we are not off!!" and then I proceeded to be drawn into this deep beauty of silence. This deep part of my being took me on a tour of the fallow field, and through her eyes, I could feel the incredible richness of  the fallow field. I could feel the incredible receptive ground to the seeding of something completely new. Understanding profoundly the necessity of all that had gone before dying to yielding this rich state of  perfect receptivity to the new.

No plants with their own agenda living in the compost. NO, the heat of the fire had burned all life forms into virgin soil like the prima materia in alchemy that is crushed to receive the mercury, impregnating it into the new form.  And so I could understand the amazing perfection of all the ego death to yield an agenda-less virgin soil enabling the planting of something totally new, something that has never come before. And on September 9, 2009 we begin the activation of the crystalline grid of the earth, this crystalline grid coming fully on line at the solstice of 2012. See earth-keepers.com for information on this. And those of us that are the genesis pinnacles of this entirely new identity, must be stripped completely bare, divested of all that has gone before.  I know you know if you are holding this position. What a job!!! 

So, who was it that said , “Enlightenment is the ego’s greatest disappointment.”?. This is such a perfect way to put it. For it is the masculine’s total demise and loss of everything imaginable of his forward momentum, his identity, his dreams that is one and the same that which makes the personality receptive to the great boundless, loving ground of being which waits in the darkness to inseminate us with new life, a homecoming in which  the feminine self finds great delight. Quickly the masculine aspect of self is converted and finds himself a drift in this great sea of delight also eventhough nothing in the topside world has changed a bit. Ah, to taste this boundless bliss, he is recharged and rejuvenated. And so it has been a marvelous day. I am so glad to have finally received the gift my heart has been taking me to during this descent of the last month or so. I say to my heart, “Dear heart, I got it. I got the message. I am tasting the gift made possible by my demise." I raise my glass to her in a toast and sweet whine it is. And I wait in the still dark emptiness not in despair but with excited and expectant anticipation of the new world to come, the seeds that will be planted here in my open and available soil, the soil that my death made possible. Do check out earth-keeper.com. Very cool!!!!

There is a picture that I had as a little girl of a little girl who comes to a fork in the road. The sign at the head of one road says “ Your life”. The sign at the head of the other road says, “no longer an option” This is so much like what is happening in my life right this moment. The relentless hammering of the storms of night, the berating, chastising weakening energies of fear raining down so hard. These have been my greatest teacher, like a force that drives you down, down and down until there is no more down to go so you must either turn or die, and it is the relentlessness of the downward driving influences, that very relentlessness, that assures your change in direction, assures your waking up. It is basically saying “yoo hoo, your time of residing in this identity is over!”

And so as I turn away from the dead end, I stand, now claiming myself as a center of light, knowing myself as a healer. The name of my practice is “The Gaia Matrix Healing Center” but it is not only the name of my practice. It is rather, also, who I am, a center from which the energy of light pours forth as a beacon in service to restoring balance to what is out of balance, calling into radiance that which is trapped in darkness. I am a healer. That is my greatest gift, and that is my life’s path. Now, on to marketing my services and creating some business for myself. No more public schools. No more working in systems whose energies are diametrically opposed to my core essence. What a relief. In a way I feel like it is bad news because making a living as a healer I imagine is quite a challenge, but what a relief to finally be standing in who I am, and ready to give. So glad that the path has led me to a place in which I am holding my anchor in the light. My time traversing the underworld can now serve me well. I have tasted well of it’s temptations and it’s pitfalls and it has made me stronger in the light and given me tools I can share with others and powerful medicine to use for healing. It is wake up time. No wonder I have been awake much this night.
Love to all.

“ We are all in this together, one soul awakening from the night,
and as we come home to our own love, together we all take flight”