Vulnerability as the Gateway to Sacred Communion within Self

Beloved light barers,  a new realization, well, really, an ancient realization, has been dawning in me this day.  I was caught in the roller coaster of ups and downs of  my cognitive’s long programmed, baseline tendency to attempt an escape from pain and protect myself in isolation. There has been a pattern in me to fall in love outside myself in order to retrieve parts of myself. I have been doing it off and on for 30 years, but I made a breakthrough last night and into this morning to release myself from this karmic cycle once and for all. This morning I realized that it is the very identification with a self that is vulnerable to anything that leaves us vulnerable to everything, and that this is the core separation identification mechanism that actually causes the suffering and the sensation and perception that one is not already smack dab in the middle of the unity field.

In other words, it is the full embrace of all “vulnerability” that the truth of one’s underlying invulnerability is revealed.

Until one can stand in that place that sees all feeling and all sensation as gift,  one cannot know the freedom from the bondage of the segregating mechanism, that calls one sensation or emotion to be the most precious honored guest, and then rejects another as a leper or a killer.  I will make a bold statement here: This rejection of the entire “negative” spectrum of emotions is the core cause of underlying sorrow and that which perpetuates the underlying sense that one is not, in fact, the source and bringer of all ecstatic communion in its full embodiment of all-embracing love.

So, it is an absolute trap to think that some sort of flavor of ecstatic communion is superior to another, that the sweet merging experienced of unity love that can be triggered by a person outside the self is superior to what is within the self. I will attempt to illustrate this with an example from my own life. Last night, after bathing and drinking of this "perceived superior" love again, I wept into a puddle of the ultimate agony of the sensation that I am separate somehow from this love. I gave myself fully to the cutting agony. (Because I have done this "Wash, rinse, repeat cycle" 28 times in the lat 30 years, the whole mechanism was singing its last song, i.e, becoming extinct. Thank God!) It was a short wave, and on the other side of it, I proclaimed, "I have the capacity for this sacred union within my embodiment. If I can sense it, I must have the potential for it. Then I asked my bones to show me the truth of this oneness and how I can attune to its embodiment. 

I returned one more time to the "Lion's den of that external unity seduction, lingering in the presence of the external beloved as long as I could, When I separated from him, I witnessed the thought and then the sensation that I might die in the letting go, an echo of infancy separation from the mother that has rippled through my whole life. But I did return to my bed and fall into sleep with the same prayer on my breath.  "Show me the equivalent to this exquisite unity love field within my own embodiment. Free me from this bondage to the external." 

Quite simply, The state of ecstatic communion within that frees us from bondage to the external, is found in the un-segregated welcoming of all emotions and all sensations home into the heart.

When I awoke, I had the knowing! All is blessing, all is the beloved, If I am to be free of the bondage and attachment to anything or anyone outside myself, I must walk fully toward all vulnerability, moving toward it and not away from it. It was then that I started to feel my center as a great shining sun, Like a sun that has shone since the dawn of time, invincible, un-changing, ever present shining. As I stood as this shining light of perpetual presence, I knew there is no vulnerability. It is so ironic that it Is only in giving one’s self fully to that sense of vulnerability that we are delivered into the knowing of ourselves as invulnerable.  And then we know ourselves as the center and source of all ecstatic communion. Quite simply, ecstatic communion is felt as the un-segregated welcoming of all emotions and all sensations home into the heart. Like beloveds returning to the wedding hall, like children, returning to the mother’s warm heart that is felt as infinite blessing to both parties, the receiver and the received. And in this the two sides of duality unite, and one becomes the sacred ground for their sweet communion. Then there comes to be a circulation of such bountiful love within the self that, nothing outside the self , no matter how bright it shines, can wrest one from the arms of the wedding festival of soul communion within ones own great wedding hall.

To re cap a bit, The only freedom comes when the heart really gets the truth that there is no superior flavor. All flavors dawning into the heart come as ecstatic communion by virtue of the experience of being taken fully into the ultimate feminine apex of the singularity within the neutral heart. This heart expands wide open to the pain, the pleasure as gift, as both just different colors of rays flooding back into the great sun of the heart. And the act of  embracing  every incoming sensation as blessing, births us into  the knowing of ourselves as the great all embracing love of the one, that is dancing at the core of all creation. I.e. there is no place where it is not. As this oneness witnesses itself in all expressions, all expressions return to their full maturity as out-pressing blosssoms from the great lotus heart of the one.

All longing is answered in this willingness to be fully present with all that arises without attempting defense or escape.  In all embracing presence, we resurrect from this long night of bondage and come to shine as our own planet of light. Freedom at last!!!!