Well, fellow travelers. After eating massive amounts of pumpkin pie and left-over Christmas dinner as a daily i.v. and watching old episodes of "Monk" until Tony Shaloub is all I see when I close my eyes, walking aimlessly along Venice beach watching the surfers, watching all the people who appear to be so connected hear to this Planet Earth journey while myself feeling like a stranger visiting this place not knowing why I am here at all or not being able to identify 1 thread that connects me to the identity of this place. What a surreal experience! But I just keep going through motions to see if anything can pull me into caring about being here, but nothing does and then, I get ready for bed, shake the quilt out, and I hear something that sounds like my glasses clicking or falling or something.
Startled, I realize my glasses are gone. I begin crying. I begin feeling the disconnect that has been pervading through everything, finally honestly feeling. Through my layringitis, I can't really cry with the tone of the voice that I know, but I do know my feelings, the feeling of sadness. Suddenly, I feel connected to the honesty of the disconnect and I cry and cry until the tears are finished. There are still no glasses, but I go to sleep and it is a sleep of deep re-memberment
The breath catches and I feel like I am suffocating, but I hear the doctor's voice telling me that I am 99% oxygen and my lungs are clear so I know it is an identity from another timeline trapped behind suppression architecture that does not allow good inter-face with this dimension, and I reach down deep into the place in my lungs that feels blocked and I attempt to breathe this disconnected identity up into my lungs in this 3rd dimensional body. It is so good to know what is really happening. Now, I get that I, in the 3d body, am the one who can breathe these parts from other timelines into these lungs to be part of this body and that that is my number one job in this life. At least that is the absolute priority for my soul at this time, not going forward to manifest or create or be a part of this 3d world, have a career, make an outward impact on this world, know myself as something or someone important who is contributing or connected here. NO, the number one priority is to re-claim all soul pieces home into this now self. And having no thing going forward in the top- side world seems to be the way this consciousness keeps itself available to the in-coming wounded.
And so it is that i find my clarity in this understanding of what is going on. It is not an easy time for the ego, continuing to grasp and claw at the outside world for anything to cling to, being met only by emptiness to fall back upon again and again, but it is this falling into emptiness that enables me to be the great and glorious mother's heart that calls back everything that has ever been a part. And I assume when we are finally all here, we will go forward in some way into this world to do all the things I am envisioning and give all that i came to give to humanity and the Earth. But for now, I remain in the receiving station for the incoming wounded, a sacred receiving room indeed.
Deafeningly empty for the ego,
but loud and clear for the deeper soul that lives to re-member all.
They say the new year will bring new movement. We shall see.
Blessings to all my fellow travelers
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