I have been listening to Pink Floyd's song "Comfortably Numb" and it is really bringing me to an intense place of longing and anxt. I'm playing my cello with it, climbing up these emotion notes, over and over again, pouring out of me, soaring up the neck to the higher octave and I am fueled by such anguish. So I decide, ya know I think I just need to feel the pain that is in this song for me.
And then I go in to feel it, and i see it all, me in the womb, the song of my preferred light body organization creation is coming through loud and clear, and then, all of a sudden I lose the song, I can't hear it. I'm struggling so hard not to lose it as it's being wripped from my reality like mist fading into oblivion. And in the absence of the song the living light code of beauty falls into the default creation of the current level of separation consciousness being infiltrated into me by the surrounding womb. And I scream "Mom, why did you stop playing the song, go back press the play button, and she says, " I don't even know that song. I didn't even know i was playing a song. Somehow the button on the tape recorder just went off andt he piped in guiding message of my passage into joy and rememberment in form is gone. And the anxt and anguish at having the song, and being held within it's destiny and then dropped like an orphan into the confusing darkness of jumbled dna, un recoverable as light, unrecoverable as joy, unrecoverable as sovereign, but rather, a cog in the machine of the fear based reality, a default android asleep in the matrix, without the song, this is my only choice.
But now, living the fullness of the loss, I can go back and chose again.
This time I chose to know that i never lost the song, that I have always been held in the field of the light and that the song is in my blood and in my bones, and I need only believe that it is there and was never lost to instruct the DNA back into original innocence position. So I guess I am working on this. And Crystal beings all around me are activating the unity field, but then when I leave them I feel dependent on them as the source of the acess to the field, the key is to tell myself I am the unity field. I am resting in oneness with source. The fall never happened. I am found in the exquisite homecoming within self.
And the drama of lack and struggle and anxt in me screams loud saying. Are you crazy, It's empty, it's not full, it's broken, it's not whole, it's fallen it's not in tact. And i say, that is a nightmare for the field was never broken, and who I am was never at the effect of any of this. Who i am has always been resting in total wholeness of foundness and unitedness, and beginning to train my brain to dwell beyond the drama and cease manufacturing thoughts of wanting and desire in this place of total fulfillment, how can there be want. Ah, so, this interesting dance continues at the edge of duality, the fat lady of the emotional body is enjoying her final swan songs, but soon their will be no attention focused there to hold identification in the drama.
Well, I guess that is all to say for now.
So much love and so many blessings to all.
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